Sunday, August 5, 2012

Facebook Compulsions: Dating

Chances are if you are in the dating world you have had a partner who has taken out a cell phone while at a restaurant and began to fumble around on it.  In the modern era, it is a huge possibility (almost guaranteed) they are either texting, or surfing the world of (a)social networking.  In fact, you may look over, while trying to converse with your date, to see their thumbs furiously flapping on Facebook.

Facebook, the denizen of the internet world, has it's hold on the dating world.  Imagine the elation when you walk into a restaurant with a person who you have wanted to be with for a while.  Imagine sitting there, across from that person, looking in their eyes.  All the questions, such as do they really like me, are going through their head.  You are trying to think of something to say, and begin a conversation, and like in the video posted, you are interrupted by their cell phone and (a)social networking. 

Are they telling the world about the date?  Are they checking pictures of a friend or enemy?  Are they complaining about being taken away from the home computer where Facebook is on a larger screen?  Are they commenting on pictures of newborn babies and dirty diapers (something that seems to be supernatural in the world of Facebook).  Are they even interested in you?  Should you still be excited about this date?

Chances are you let it slide, figuring it was something important.  Maybe you bring back the conversation towards getting to know that person better.  But just as you do, the phone comes back out and Facebook becomes the soup du jour. 

What do you do when your date has a Facebook compulsion?  First, let's define the term.  A Facebook compulsion is when a person is so addicted to Facebook and (a)social networking that they compulsively check it no matter where they are or what they are doing.  People suffering from a Facebook compulsion will check Facebook in a restaurant, while driving, in class, in court, or anywhere else they may be.  They don't care when and where they are, if there is a signal, Facebook is up.  This is a real issue, and something that needs to be addressed.

There is not much one can do for a person with such a debilitating mental issue.  The best thing to do is cut the umbilical cord, so to speak.  Destroy the connection.  You must REMOVE the medium from their lives.  Whatever these people use to connect to Facebook must be taken away for them to get a grip on reality.  Facebook and (a)social networking withdrawals are a real issue, so be prepared for whining, crying, and hissing.  They will be upset, and their world is literally being turned upside down without their precious Facebook.

The best thing to do when your date has a Facebook compulsion is to ask yourself if you want to be with someone who can't seem to get by in life without Facebook.  If you are not married to the person, you are in better shape than if you find yourself married to a person who is literally on Facebook life support.  If you realize you don't want to be with this person (no matter how wonderful their other qualities may be), you should tell them exactly why.  The only way for them to see that Facebook and (a)social networking sites like Twitter and MySpace are damaging their lives is for them to be told it straight up.  Tell them you don't want to date someone who is addicted to (a)social networking.  Say that you can not see yourself in a long term relationship or a marriage with a person who can not see past their cellular phone.  Honestly, can you?  Do you want such a relationship?

Hopefully enough of these situations will bring the person with the compulsion back to reality.  Perhaps they will start to look at their life, examine themselves, and realize that they are only damaging their lives by being glued to (a)social networking.  It is truly disheartening to see so many young people literally throw their lives away through Facebook and (a)social networking addiction.  It's sad to see young kids grow into adults with a deep obsession for a false sense of connectedness.  It's a crying shame that the world thinks this behavior is normal, and it's disgusting to think that many people consider those that choose not to be locked into a life of Facebook and other (a)social networking to be social deviants.  Remind yourself: you are not a social deviant for choosing to not be locked into a world of pixels.  There is nothing wrong with a person who chooses to not spend an entire day online looking at other people's Farmville scores.  People will often project the negative aspects about themselves onto others.  Many want to think that they are doing something right by being on Facebook, even though they are truly mistaken.     

There is nothing wrong with you if your date is constantly online during your date.  In fact, if it bothers you and you are not doing the same thing, you are the better person for it.  Congratulate yourself, stand up, and tell your date good night.  Let them know that if they can knock the addiction you will consider trying a date with them again (don't expect one though, they will probably be upset).  It's a move that takes guts, but it's a move that shows a person that is strong enough in their ideals and assertiveness skills.  You will feel better about yourself in the end if you are the one to end it, because if you don't, chances are Facebook and (a)social networking will break you up in the very end.


  1. The video sounds like at least one date I have went on. I agree that something has to be done when dating people addicted to these sites, but everyone is it seems. It's so depressing.

  2. Not everyone haha, believe me, there's an underground of people who shun it.

  3. I hate Facebook. Like bone-deep hate it. I can't stand how almost every person I know thinks that they need to be on it 24/7 365. I never liked Myspace or any of those other sites as well. I used to just roll my eyes when I would see my friends talk about Myspace and honestly thought once that site was gone it all would be.

  4. I hate facebook, it is where friendship is ruined or made mundane.

  5. This post may have been written at a time when FarmVille was one of the games most people are addicted to, but it's still relevant up to now. Meanwhile, FarmVille has become passe in my own country. Very few people play it now. But then, they're mostly playing other games.

    This post reminds me of the one time I had dinner with my cousin. He was more eager to take pictures of the food we ate and post them on Facebook instantly, as if it were news. I took pictures of the food too, but since my phone has no Internet connection and since I am not the type to post food pictures on Facebook, I felt I wasn't that obtrusive. His Facebook obsession spoiled the moment for me. Since then I've not asked him over for dinner. It's sad how Facebook breaks down not just the dating world but also familial ties.